A relationship starts with attraction at fever pitch, but the chemistry, the spark — whatever you call it — doesn’t last. No matter how it begins, the initial excitement of a new relationship does eventually start to die down, and for many couples, this signals the beginning of the end. Many relationships don’t survive past this point, either because they’re unable to keep that spark alive, or because there are underlying issues that are causing even deeper problems. The thing is, any people just don’t realise that keeping the spark alive takes work. The good news is, since it does take work, it’s something that virtually any couple can work on to improve their relationship.
Lack of trust can kill any relationship, no matter how strong it is. So if you’re just at that point where the relationship is starting to settle down — from the first breathless whirl into everyday life — trust is immensely important.
Building trust takes time, but if you both behave in a trustworthy way from the start, you’ll be much better off. And remember that secrets can kill trust in an instant, so it’s important to be open and honest in all things.
In any relationship, it takes both partners to make it work — to trust and be trusted, to talk, to listen and understand, to offer help when it’s needed. If either partner has a problem in the relationship, it’s up to both partners to find a way to solve it, either by talking it through, or by finding a practical solution. Problems that are left to fester can destroy a relationship outright or by degrees, so it’s important that both partners are able to speak up, and that both are able to listen.
In a new relationship, it’s common for two people to want to spend as much time together as possible. And there’s a saying that goes, “when two people spend every minute possible in each other’s company, and still think it would be nice if they had more time together, that’s love.”
However, it’s definitely possible for a couple to spend too much time together. Once the newness of the relationship dies down, it’s absolutely natural that one or both partners will want to start having some alone time again. This is a good thing, especially once a couple are living together.
In the long term, a relationship is healthier when both partners have some interests in common, and some interests they pursue separately, and when they spend time apart from one another on a regular basis. So, when your relationship gets to this point, don’t start to worry that needing alone time is a symptom of relationship issues — the truth is, it’s a good and healthy thing for any relationship.
Or to put it another way, don’t take each other for granted. As a relationship continues, as people find out more and more things about each other, as they live their everyday lives, the spark starts to fade, simply because everyday life is often monotonous. Most people go to the same places to work, eat, shop, play, and live, so naturally, everyday life does start to feel “sameish” sometimes. That feeling tends to transfer over into the relationship, and can make it start to seem dull and boring, no matter how much in love you are.
The solution, thankfully, is simple: stop doing the same things over and over. Of course, some things — such as where we work and where we live — are things we can’t really change on a whim. But keeping the relationship spark alive and glowing can be as easy as finding a new restaurant to eat at, going somewhere you’ve never been before for a weekend break, or surprising your partner with a small gift from time to time. Find new things to do, or new ways to do things, and you’ll continue to enjoy your lives together and create new memories, and your relationship will go from strength to strength.